Sunday, September 23, 2012

Red Sky at Night

Tonight, Friday night, has a beautiful evening soft blue sky with pink wispy clouds, a crescent moon and a warm feel in the community.  Maybe because it's Friday, maybe because last night we had the annual harvest square dance or maybe it is always like that but I showed up for it this time.  Just like one of my teachers said, my negative mood has passed.  Like she also said, it will surely come again so just look at it, maybe find some humor in the silliness that is human life, or at least some curiosity.  Like another teacher said, (yes, I talked to many people about my nasty mood this week) in regards to my negative feelings toward a few particular people, which were so strong I could barely be in their presence, I don't have to think too deeply about it.  In other words, I don't have to analyze the situation to figure out "am I projecting some part of myself onto them? am I hiding some part of myself that I don't like and see in them? are they insane or am I? etc."  I don't really have to make it so complicated.  I can trust my intuition about people but not turn away from whatever discomfort comes up and just keep trying to meet them.  Questions are good but thinking you'll figure out the "answer" is futile.

Like the one above, I keep running into the same walls lately.  I have this doubt sometimes whether this community is the place to be.  Then I read over what I just wrote above and think how great it is that I have such wise people to talk to in the times of challenge.  Could I find that anywhere?  MAYBE!  Maybe not.  That is not the point.  The wall is this:  if I think life will be better somewhere else I am simply mistaken.  My life is my own little universe that I take with me.  I see the people around me, the landscape, etc with the same eyes, the same karma.  So can I accept the doubt?   Sometimes. Last night we had this amazing event called the Harvest Dinner and Dance.  It is coming to the end of the farm and garden season and all of us apprentices harvest and cook a meal for the community with as much local produce as possible.  (Beet burgers, potato fries, coleshaw, apple pie) We also decorate the dining room, changing it all around, and set up the pool-deck for a square dance with a band and a caller!  It was great fun.  People got dressed up, people laughed and hollered, held hands, circled left, circled right, and do-si-doed.  It brought out a very special side in everyone.  And I saw people differently, even the next day.  It made me wonder why we only do this once a year?!  Like I almost forgot for a second that we have this side of ourselves.  Good to know it's still alive and well.  But I wonder if we are cultivating it enough in this community.  One might say in response to this question that we all go out and do things and see friends and family and go out on the town but I don't think it is the same thing.  I read this article once in Vanity Fair and it was talking about the Kennedy administration and how Jackie O. sort of revolutionized the White House by throwing these large social/political/cultural events bringing people together from all these different spheres and providing a space to connect and share and have a good time.  She believed it was really beneficial for political relations to be able to see others as more than their jobs or at least outside of the usual realm of interaction.  I think the same thing could be said for Green Gulch.  That having these social events together would allow us to see each other in many different lights and subsequently foster more honesty and compassion.  

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