Last night I dreamed about it. I went back to look for an apartment and I was checking out this place on Esplanade Ave. It was beautiful with high ceilings and big bright windows. Two stories. Maybe a few units in big ol' house, a very New Orleans thing. For some reason I decided, I think without the landlord knowing, I would stay overnight just to check it out. It still had some furniture. The next day some family came to look at it and we were all sitting around a table outside talking about money and we had very different ideas about it, namely this guy wanted to make lots of it and he felt like it was cool to get it however you can. I didn't want him to get this house/apartment. I was also hanging out with my friend Brooke who was really happy about me maybe moving back. Then Austin showed up out of nowhere; apparently he didn't really know I was doing this and he didn't think it was a good idea or not the right time, too soon, to go back.
But it was one of those dreams where I woke up feeling really nice about the whole thing. Like I really liked the idea of going back and looking for a place. I am just so curious to know what my future holds. Things keep coming up that make me think my future is not here at Green Gulch. I know that someone has to stay here to keep it going and that this place is so important to so many people but how do you know if you are meant to carry this torch? On the other hand, I could go back to New Orleans, maybe work with IWES again in some capacity, teach yoga in some capacity, open a yoga/meditation studio, run after school progs with Austin, have foster kids, have a dog or 5, garden & farm. Or I could stay here in the glorious mountain and ocean air of California. Who knows?! It's all about intuition. How will I know when I am just restless because humans always want excitement or I'm restless because it is time to move on?
P.S. I think I was projecting my thoughts onto Austin in my dream because he supports any path I want even if it means going somewhere without him for a while.
Follow a dream or follow a fantasy......hmmmmm. Which is which? We would all like to follow our dreams; and then, there's reality. Time and place have a way of helping us choose. Unfortunately, some have more choices than others for lots of reasons(education, hard work,luck,etc). As with most decisions, they are made with imperfect knowledge. Even the most thoughtful among us making rational decisions, do so with imperfect information. We try, we do our best, and then its decision time! Or nothing happens or gets done.
ReplyDeleteTime waits for no man!
There's an old bit of wisdom in some kind of hybrid English that seems to have appeared in several places around the world independently. I remember reading it in British Lit: Softly, softly catchee monkey.
ReplyDeleteI had to look it up but what a sweeter way to say, "be patient!" It's great that my two comments are from my dad and a (dalai) grandma :-)
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